White ladies, we gotta talk. Single ladies, have a seat and grab a glass of wine and chill—this isn’t about you.  It’s the married women. You got to get your shit together.

I’m as guilty as anyone of being married. It’s nice to have someone to open those pickle jars and fix my internet and I gotta admit—I like his big, fat paycheck. It’s true—I don’t pay rent! Now, I contribute some cash but the majority of it comes from him. The pay gap may be narrowing but it’s still here.   

It costs more to be a woman. We do more of the household work. We don’t advance in our careers as fast as men.  It’s no wonder we keep those magical white men around…they are killing it money wise. And I don’t need to link to an article to tell you how fabulously awesome money is and how much easier your life is when you have some.

It’s no secret that white women vote with their husband’s interest in mind. But seriously, we know better. In the same way we can “smell” a fever in a kid….we knew Trump was a total douche but simply didn’t trust HRC. (For the record— I trusted her—I’d vote for her again. I’d probably try to vote for her twice.) 54% of white women voted for Trump.

Now, I know denial is our wheelhouse, our comfort zone. We buy Spanks and tell ourselves that Vitamin Water isn’t just Kool Aid. It’s easy for us. After all, lots of us have the free rent deal that I do and this whole american thing is still pathetically set up for us to cruize under the radar.

Even when no one is looking, eventually you’ll find out the truth: you’re nothing but a bitch.

Some of you got the bitch wake up call when you got pregnant and realized just how unfair the world really is. For some of you it was the promotion that you didn’t get or the disabled kid who you have to care for or the times you’ve been asked to clean up after a church event so the men could smoke. You may have been a little mad but you know the score.

Here’s the deal, bitch, you can love your husband and still disagree with his politics. ALL men have something that we acquiesce to, the constant hobbies, the sports on tv every weekend, the home brewing, the myriad of bean dishes, the eating on the sofa, the t-shirts with holes in them, the tremendously stinky shoes, the trips to Skyline Chili, the bad science fiction movies, the endless wrong retelling of stories, the body hair, the home improvement projects that never get completed,  the loud Van Halen…..they all have something we don’t participate in. Can’t politics be just one of those things?

My Father was in politics, and women were rarely in the mix. It’s not as if we can’t figure it out ladies. Some men follow politics like it’s Major League Baseball. They know the leagues, the managers, who is on the injured list and who is a Free Agent. They watch MSNBC like its ESPN. Sports and Politics are frighteningly similar.

But you Bitches KNOW this shit. I’ve been a PTA president, that’s politics. Look at the regualr family drama on Facebook…that’s political. Have  you watched an NFL game lately? There are women on the sidelines—we can do this shit.

And if you think I’m being a little too Wifey, a little too Cis Suburban Soccer Mom well fuck off because 54% of us bitches voted for a man president who hasn’t fulfilled one criteria for being a somewhat passable citizen let alone president of the United States. He’s not hard working, he inherited his money, he’s not nice or loyal or smart. Objectively he’s an asshole and YOU did this. (the royal you) Black women knew better.

I have no idea what it will take for white women to give more than lip service to citizenship. Hard to convince anyone that it’s worth the fight especially if you have something to lose—like free rent. But we honkeys have got to get our shit together. The midterms are coming and we have to make a change or end up relegated permanently.